March 20th, 2010
Open Question: Am i schizophrenic? (Im 12)?
So, Ive been thinking really weird for like the past 3 years and I haven’t told anybody about it. I didnt think there was something wrong with me until like almost a year ago but I was too afraid to tell my mom about it because I thought she wouldn’t believe me. I looked up the symptoms, what can cause it, and treatments. Ive been having delusions. Like when i see something on tv or a person i relate it to someone i know or something i think about or something personal. Once I woke up in the middle of the night and I was looking out of the window at a street light and I stared at it for a long time and I squinted at it and stuff and then the light went out.. and I was like wow.. did I do that? and then i kept thinking that I did it until I caught myself and I was like im weird.. sometimes in my head I think there is someone, a guy, that is telling me to do stuff but most of the time I dont do it. I just listen and think. I personally dont think im a normal 12 year old.. I dont talk much.. and sometimes I find myself just staring into space without blinking for at least one minute. I read that Schizoprehnia can be caused by head injuries.. but I havent had any at least none that I remember. When I was little I fell down stairs and hit my head on brick but I cant remember if that was a recurring dream I had or if it was real. Ive been hit in the head but nothing that could really cause damage to my brain like that. Ive tooken personality disorder test online and some say that im severely borderline and Obsessive-Compulsive. About a year ago my parents had a really bad fight and I started crying, my heart pounded, my hands shook, I had trouble breathing. I couldnt tell whether this was just me being scared or was it something else? I knew I was panicing so I looked up panic attacks and I found the symptoms and they matched. Then I started having more. When something that I thought was bad happened I shook, my face and body went hot, I got this feeling in my stomach, I got a headache, I had trouble breathing. So I looked up Panic disorder. I also have really weird dreams that I only remember part of.. I heard that dreams are what you have been thinking about but I had a dream once that I was hiding in a white t-shirt and crying and shaking sitting on the floor with my arms wrapped around my legs and everything around me was blured and the sounds were muffled. I heard a woman with her hair tied back in a pony tail yelling at me that I can sing and my name. Ive also had a dream where I was in a bedroom.. the guy that I hear in my heads bedroom except he was there and I could see him. We greeted each other like we’ve known each other for years.. We started talking and then a man came in and the guy started freaking out and saying Dad no! get out! Dont do it! and the man started coming after me and the guy in my head told me to hide and I hid behind a bed and the man still tried to get me and I ducked and the guy in my head tried to protect me. The man gave the guy in my head something yellow like poison and I started screaming NO!! NOO!! and I was crying the guy in my heads eyes started turning yellow and black and he fell on the bed and then there was another person, a girl, and I got up and I pinned the man who was now wearing a clown mask on the bed and I started stabbing him with this metal thing that came out of no where but when I stabbed and stabbed blood came out but it was hollow inside. I was screaming and crying NOO! NOO! and then I was in a store kind of like Wal-mart except there was no one there. Then out of no where comes the man now in a clown suit and mask he was coming after me with something big in his hand like he was going to hurt me and I started running up and down the isles of the store until I went down one and saw the guy in my head at the end of it. I felt relieved but the clown was still chasing me and I hid behind a pile of costumes. The clown/man came and I felt scared again but instead of looking for me he started talking to the guy in my head. The guy talked back to the man and then suddenly the clown disapeared and I came out from hiding and stood in front of the guy in my head but he acted like he didnt notice. I walked in front of him again and I felt like I was invisible. Then the clown was back and he started chasing me again and the guy in my head just stood there. and I ran into a womans changing room and the clown tried climbing under it to get me and I climbed into another one and as I was on top I looked and it seemed like the changing rooms were never ending. I just kept climbing and he just kept chasing and then I woke up. I really think there is something wrong with me and that I need help.
